• Person: Hi, do you want pizza?
  • Person Nobody Likes: No. I'm being healthy. I'm not eating pizza because...
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It looks so good, but the calories--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: ...and the fat--
  • Everyone: Okay.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Here's a long explanation of my diet...
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: But I wish I could cheat LOL!
  • Everyone:
  • Person Nobody Likes: That stuff is so bad for you, you know? But you have fun!
  • Everyone who has left to go live their lives:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's the gluten, you know? I don't know what that is, but it's soooooo baaaaaad.
  • Crickets who have come out because it's midnight now:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I cheated and ate an M&M yesterday! I spent an hour at the gym to make up for it but so worth it LOL.
  • Unfeeling universe:
  • Person Nobody Likes: Have you tried using cauliflower instead of bread to make a pizza?
  • Existential dread:
  • Person Nobody Likes: It tastes exactly the same, and it's sooooo much healthier.
  • Death itself:
  • Person Nobody Likes: I'm gonna go drink my soy smoothie now.
  • Person Nobody Likes: It's a small size.
  • Person Nobody Likes: Gotta watch my thighs!
  • Apocalypse, the end of all space and time as we know it, the fathomless void of nothingness:
  • Person Nobody Likes: BUT YOU ENJOY THAT PIZZA, FRIEND.

uneboulette:

Was getting out of the car at work this morning and spilled my coffee down the front of my white t-shirt. 

Everyday is a blessing.™

I read this while sipping coffee and wearing a white t-shirt.

*ambient music with heavy bass drum playing in the background*

*tambourines*

*It just went acoustic*

I’m dying. I almost snorted coffee everywhere.

(Source: savangeles)

I want this future!

I want this future!

(via lovelylops)

  • me: damn i need to save my money
  • me: *spends $200 in a week*

pearmama:

same

GPOY

(Source: girlsbydaylight, via savangeles)

when someone asks what its like to be young these days

whenincambridge:

image

(via savangeles)

sassygayklavierspieler:

Cute music terms to name your children:

  • Viola
  • Harmony
  • Melody
  • Cadence
  • Carol
  • Hymn
  • Celeste
  • Clef
  • Agitato
  • Oboe Player
  • F Sharp
  • Barbaro
  • Plagal
  • Smorzando
  • ii♭ 6-4
  • Canon in inversion and augmentation

(via ahrodriguez)

There’s a guy who does this at the Kaohsiung night market in Taiwan! It’s so cool

(Source: sizvideos, via danareadsbooks)

wubzywubbles:

coordinatornarvin:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

You forgot the best one though-
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

douglas adams was an amazing writer, one of my favorites. its a shame he died so young from a heart attack…

wubzywubbles:

coordinatornarvin:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

You forgot the best one though-

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

douglas adams was an amazing writer, one of my favorites. its a shame he died so young from a heart attack…

(Source: stonecoldstevebuscemi, via danareadsbooks)

strawberryguru:

and now i’m hungover ! 

THE DOG WHO LET IN A ROBBER! My dog would totally do that too =/

(Source: vicious-seamonkey, via ahrodriguez)

The way I talk about my precious old dog is the same way most new moms talk about their babies, so I guess I’m going to be that annoying over-sharer in the future?

My conversations are:

"blah blah blah blah" - "omg ricki is so cute, she just moved over to lick my knee!" - "blah blah blah" - "ricki barked!"

Tags: dogs babies mom

(Source: fallen-kira, via ahrodriguez)

Possibly one of the best. Someone bring back celery!

This is pretty much what I do to my friends because of course, in my opinion, my friend could always do better. 
And then I get irrational mom-level with them like “shouldn’t you hold down a job first?” “finish school then dating!” “find a guy who is a grown up, not a man child” “you have to work on your own happiness before you get someone else to add to it!” 

Yeah I’m not nosy or crazy at all!